20 for 2020: these aren't resolutions so I harbor no shame if I achieve nary a one
One of my favorite podcasts is “Happier” with Gretchen Rubin (author of The Happiness Project and many other delightful reads.) She does a thing where at the start of every new year, she sets some intentions. They’re not really resolutions, but just actions she hopes to achieve over the course of the year, and she pairs the number with the year - so 19 for 2019, and now 20 for 2020.
…it occurs to me this will get progressively harder as time marches on. But we’ll worry about that next year.
I don’t normally make resolutions, because I inevitably break them almost immediately and enter a shame spiral that lasts much longer than my commitment to said resolutions. But these are INTENTIONS, and ACTIONS, and if I achieve them? Go me, get down with my bad self. And if I don’t? Tack ‘em back on to next year’s list! No harm, no foul.
So without further ado, let us commence with my 20 for 2020. (These are in no particular order.)
1) Find and purchase cute, red sneakers.
I wear sneakers a lot for work, and it’s a bit of a trademark for me to match them to my outfit. I also look good in and wear a lot of red. Obvious choice, no? I’ve been wanting some for literally years, and just never put forth any effort to acquire them.
2) Consistently pay bills the same day I get them.
Whether alerted by email or received on paper, bills arrive, are looked over, and then languish. They languish in my email, they languish on my kitchen table, and they are a source of annoyance to me because I like an inbox near zero and a clean table. So why don’t I just pay them when they arrive? Why, indeed? We’re blessed to not have any financial barriers to doing so, so it really makes no sense at all. I’m never late, but the couple of weeks between receiving the bill and paying it makes me crazy, and it’s craziness entirely of my own doing. Gretchen would call this a “happiness stumbling block” and it’s completely avoidable with minimal effort. So I intend to fix my own buffoonery.
3) Spend more time being really present with my dog.
No one could accuse us of mistreating miss Capri. She lives a life many could only dream of - myself included. But I notice when I get home from work, although I greet her and feed her dinner/let her out/give a quick snuggle, I rapidly move on to household duties like starting laundry, making dinner, etc.
Think about a dog’s day (for many working people, anyway.) They feel sadness when their owner leaves for work, alternate between sleeping and waiting for their owner all day (with a brief visit from a dog walker somewhere in the middle,) explode into joy when their owner returns, watch their owner give a cursory hello and attend to their immediate needs, only to then see their owner ignore them and move on to other tasks.
That’s shitty.
As humans we have a lot of facets to our life, and it’s challenging to carve out time for each of them. But our dogs just have us. We are their entire life, and sadly their lives are far too short relative to ours. So I intend to be more present for her. Play with her while dinner is cooking instead of zoning out on my phone, go for another walk (weather permitting,) or occasionally offer a tasty new bone or Kong. She deserves it.
4) Write down recipes I’ve made and liked immediately.
I’m noticing a trend with procrastination here. I often will make a recipe I found online or ripped out of a magazine, like it, and then not write it down on a recipe card to add to my binder for weeks, months, years. And by then I’ve forgotten any modifications I made, or observations during cooking, which are often critical to a successful outcome. It would take mere minutes yet save me ages of annoyance down the road.
5) Get a new gynecologist (and go to an appointment.)
Since I was old enough to have one, I’ve had the same gynecologist, and she’s awesome. That office was convenient where I used to live, but since moving, it’s now quite a haul to get up there. Mom and I used to make it an annual outing together, followed by a visit to our favorite Chinese buffet that was only a couple of towns away. (Chinese buffet AFTER the gynecologist, always. Order is critical. They weigh you there, you know!) Since mom passed, I made one solo trip which was horrible - the nurse practitioner was very fond of my mom so we spent most of the appointment hugging each other and crying - and since then that NP retired. It seems silly to keep going there now, so time to move on and find a closer option.
…but there will still be periodic pilgrimages to the Chinese buffet. That’s worth the drive!
6) Spend more of my “mindless time” doing constructive things.
After dealing with 12, often needy, frequently complaining, always physically exhausting patients in a day, my brain needs to shut down. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to think too hard, I just need to decompress. This usually manifests as aimless scrolling on my phone, and although I recognize the need for this down time, I feel I could do more therapeutic and constructive activities. Such as meditation, yoga, reading books that don’t require a lot of attention but are still interesting and enjoyable, coloring, cross-stitching (I am now the proud owner of a Golden Girls coloring book AND cross-stitch patterns!) I love a good video compilation of people falling and cats being startled by phallic veggies, but I think I could find a better use of my time, at least SOMETIMES.
7) Go to the library.
This kind of goes with #6, as I could get some of those mentally easy books. I love my Kindle and Hoopla, but there are some books you really need to have in person. Beautiful books on art and architecture with heavy, glossy pages. Children’s literature that likely won’t be as readily available on digital services (never underestimate the healing powers of reading children’s lit. It’s so soothing.) Those really ancient library books that have the scent of old binding glue and hearken back to simpler times when you had to dig through the card catalog to find anything.
…I’m dating myself, clearly.
8) Get butane cartridges and use our kitchen torch.
My now husband graciously accompanied me to various registry events before our wedding, and politely feigned interest as I scanned serving pieces, flatware, and linens to our wedding wish list. The only kitchen items he chose himself were the most terrifying baster I’ve ever seen, and a kitchen torch. We now own both, and although I’ve used the baster (it truly is the stuff of nightmares though. Looks like it belongs in a Sci-Fi/horror movie about alien implantation) the butane cartridges were sold separately from the torch, and we never got any. I shouldn’t deprive my husband the pleasure of playing with fire, nor deprive myself the joys of crème brûlée!
9) Use our molcajete.
Yet another theme emerges - unused kitchen equipment. We have the cutest molcajete made of volcanic stone. His name is Paco. He lives in our cupboard and has never been used, because the seasoning/smoothing process with raw rice or something of that sort has always seemed a bridge too far when it occurs to me to use him. I could be that woman who arrives at a party bearing my famous homemade guac (…I don’t have famous homemade guac, but I feel like with Paco on board I could!) transported right in the molcajete, for added Insta-worthy effect. And I’d have toned arms, because dear God that thing weighs a ton.
10) Get more sleep.
Who doesn’t have this goal? When I get a good 8 hours, I feel great. And when I get 5, I feel like hammered shit. Truly shocking, isn’t it? Here’s to feeling great more frequently than feeling like hammered shit in 2020. #lifegoals
11) No phone scrolling in bed.
A clear link to quality sleep, here. I never even used to keep my phone in my bedroom, but when my mom was sick I needed it nearby in case of emergencies. After she passed, I started mindless browsing on it when I couldn’t sleep at night, which was every night. Now it’s become a habit, and it’s no bueno. I’m proud to announce this intention has already been put into effect, and for the entire month of January thus far I have not picked up my phone once I climb into bed until the morning. Go me!
12) Purchase a Jo Malone perfume.
I’ve gone au naturale with all my personal care products for several years now, but I’ve always coveted Jo Malone perfume. Their combinations are so inventive and I adore their simplicity and elegance. As someone who is notorious for struggling with decisions, I can only imagine the process of selecting one. But select I will, and it shall be mine, and it shall be my precious.
13) Update my blog at least once a month.
Well looky here, I’m doing it! Now, just to maintain. There’s the tricky part….
14) Strike more of a balance between speaking the truth while being kind.
In my efforts to educate myself about natural wellness and essential oils, I’ve come across a lot of utter nonsense spread by other oil reps, sometimes aromatherapists, bloggers etc. I’m not talking about difference of opinions, but rather factually, scientifically, 100% indisputable incorrect information. Sometimes it’s ignorance on their part, sometimes it’s narcissism and refusal to admit wrongdoing, and sometimes it’s willful deception to reach some ulterior motive. I’m very careful to tread lightly with these topics as I firmly believe cruelty and rudeness do not foster a desire to learn and better oneself.
…however. Sometimes I think I excuse too much in my efforts to be kind, and the central message of pointing out the lies is lost. So I will try to find a middle ground of kind, but pointed honesty.
(This is only relevant in situations where my commentary is expected, such as within my own EO group or own social media. I am not the EO police and have no desire to seek out the ignorance elsewhere. That could be a full-time job in itself.)
15) Exercise daily.
Whoa, hold on there. That’s one hell of an intention. I don’t necessarily mean go to a gym daily - ha! That for sure isn’t happening. But do SOMETHING daily. Whether it be go for a long walk, or do some stretching, or hit up a few yoga poses, or sure - visit that gym that is currently little more than a monthly charitable donation for me. Bodies in motion stay in motion, and mine needs to get off its ass.
16) Find and purchase a bar/liquor storage unit.
Oh how quickly we move on from lofty fitness goals to the real priorities! Our current liquor storage is ridiculous. It’s 2 tiny wine holders stacked on each other, and a pile of whiskies in a basket. My husband has an elegant beer fridge (gift from me, what an idea that was!) but our wine and hard liquor organization is woefully inadequate. So I plan to make more of an effort to actively look for a suitable solution that is both attractive, functional, and not absurdly expensive. Surely such a unicorn exists.
17) Get over my fear of the grill. And grill something.
Grilling has always been my husband’s arena, and although I’m happy to let him have that, I would like to at least be able to use it competently. So I shall learn how to arrange the charcoal, learn how to use the gas assist start, sort out direct versus indirect heat, and be a strong, independent woman who isn’t afraid of no Weber!
18) Make a quilt out of my mom’s clothes that I saved.
After my husband’s mom passed several years ago, I made 2 patchwork quilts out of her clothes - one for him, and one for his brother. My mom helped me with it, as my fear of the grill is second only to fear of the sewing machine. Little did I know that she would pass so soon after, and now I have a bag of her clothes to contend with… but without the benefit of her help to create it. I may see if there are sewing classes available at local craft stores that can help me with basic sewing machine usage. I don’t recall the process being terribly difficult - we kept it simple so it was just sewing the squares together and the binding, with hand ties throughout the quilt (I don’t have a long-arm sewing machine that can accommodate a whole quilt once the batting is in it.)
But when something goes awry with that bobbin… lord help me.
I’m sure my reluctance thus far is a mix of my uncertainty with how to use the machine properly combined with the emotional angst of remembering the fun we had making the quilts, and accepting it will be a sob-fest to tackle this project without her, with her clothes. But just because something is intellectually and emotionally difficult, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done. So this is happening.
19) Make an effort to do my hair at least 3 days a week.
It’s a bit of joke with anyone who knows me that somehow I’ve made it to 37 without properly learning how to do my own hair. It doesn’t seem to matter how I have it cut, but I struggle. It never looks how I want it to, YouTube tutorials are a joke, and either I don’t own the right products and tools, or I’m using them improperly. Although my job is fairly casual, I like to look presentable, and I phone it in with simple pony tails, claw clips, and a single braid wayyyy too often. So 3 days a week, I will make an effort.
…and if I can get a style to last 2 days or more, that still counts!
20) Replace my watch batteries. And wear the watches.
Isn’t it crazy how simple things like that just don’t get done… forever? I have probably 5 watches that I like and haven’t used in literally YEARS, simply because the batteries are dead and somehow driving to a jeweler to have them replaced is an insurmountable barrier. It’s absurd. And I tell myself “this is absurd” almost daily when I see them sitting on my bureau. And yet… haven’t done a damn thing about it.
Well! What a list! I’ll have to revisit this blog next year and see how many I achieved. Anyone care to make an over/under bet?
Do any of you have some intentions for 2020? Remember, they aren’t resolutions, so no pressure!
…because that hair one is gonna be TOUGH for me. Maybe there’s a combined sewing/hair styling class out there.